Entry: ElvenSarah: Because philosophy tastes better in a sippy cup Thursday, June 24, 2004

What? A new entry? Fabtabulous!

Sorry for the delayitude. This week has been the crazy. I’m building a server for a company on a budget reminiscent of a seven year old child and of course they need it ASAP. Finding parts for a server in my farm town is about as easy as finding tractor parts in a deli in New York. That will probably be their next request. Last week I had to break into our own server since no one knew the password. I know you are all asking, why not buy the parts online? Well, their mommy won’t let them use the credit card.

Hope you are all enjoying the second half of summer and some of the longest days of the year. (Offer only good in northern hemisphere. Actual daylight may vary. “Longest day” does not imply actual addition of hours to day. ElvenSarah is not responsible for missed tans, scheduling conflicts, or dropping hot coffee on your crotch due to darkness. Consult local almanac for sunset and sunrise. ElvenSarah does not necessarily agree with any hidden terrorist message in almanacs.) Summer Solstice brings up a point I want to discuss; stupid lying scientists. So called “scientists” claim that the change in distance between a planet and the sun causes a direct change in temperature. We can take this further and get the reason summer is hotter than winter; the part of the earth tilted toward the sun is closer to the rays. This is completely wrong. Look at this depiction:

god's universe

Now, the earth is 93 million miles away from the sun. Do you really think a couple hundred miles closer is going to add that much heat? No, of course not. The sun gets much closer to the earth when it descends below us to the underworld each night and when it rises again each morning. All true scientists have debunked the distance-heat theory and understand that this really is a miracle that goes against physics. Summer is warm because god predicted it would be in the bible. (Genesis 1:14, Ecclesiastes 3:1) Psalm 104:19 ”The moon marks off the seasons, and the sun knows when to go down.” Case closed.

If scientists are this far off about summer, you know they are wrong on the evilution crap.  Things changing?  That's absurd!  Now I have no idea what an allele is, but I know evilution is wrong.  All scientists do too, but they just don't won't to admit the bible is always correct.

If you don’t understand it, Jesus did it

Why do people who have an injured back take pain medication, then thank Jesus for healing them when the pain goes away? I see this all the time. Oh, you survived the accident and came back to life after dying, thank Jesus. No thanks to the paramedic who did CPR on the patient until she recovered. If Christians really believed, there would be no doctors. If bible deity wants you healed and out of pain, then why not ask him? Jesus said "Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven.” Matt 18:19, et. al. Do you not believe the words of your saviour? Where is your faith now? If god didn’t heal you, then maybe he wants you sick. “2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.” (James 1:2) I say that any Christian who goes to the doctor is circumventing the plan god has for their lives and calling god ineffective, thus blaspheming the power of god. Blasphemy is not forgivable, (Mark 3:29) meaning anyone who has gone to the doctor is going to hell.

Mines bigger than your's:

What makes you sure Christianity is the true religion? There are religions older than Christianity (and Judaism). There are religions just as big. There are religions with saviours who died to save humanity. There are religions with miracles. There are religions with people who believe they have a relationship with god and speak with it everyday. When you researched Christianity, reading the entire book before becoming a Christian, and reading all the alternatives, how did you decide on Christianity? No need to answer. I already know, but I think you need to ponder it.

I cast level 32 exorcism on you!

Why are Christians so afraid of the game Dungeons and Dragons? The cover story is that games such as ouija boards and role playing games cause little monsters to get inside you if you play too long. (BTW ouija is oiu, yes in French, and ja, yes in german, and was created by Parker Brothers, the maker of Monopoly) The real reason Christianity is afraid of DnD is because they know the game is much more fun than the game of Christianity. Sure the bible has spirits, ghosts, walking skeleton armies, zombies, fortune tellers, talking animals, witches, unicorns, fire breathing dragons, giants, half human-half angels, giant sea monsters, death riding a horse, spells, curses, polymorphism, and more (Seriously all those things are in the bible. I can give verses if asked), but it is so boring. Even with all that stuff. Have you ever read Leviticus or Numbers? DnD is a much better role playing game than Christianity. Both have people that can’t live in the real world and think they have magical powers, but at least one of the groups doesn’t pass laws on what they read in DnD books.

Eating Broccoli made illegal through Constitutional Amendment

Eating broccoli is disgusting! It makes me want to vomit. Eating broccoli in the privacy of your own home should be illegal and those doing it should not have the rights of other citizens. We must amend the constitution to insure this disgusting, vile act does not become a right! Oh and if you know your bible, you know that god hates shrimp and god hates cheeseburgers as well. We must picket outside Long John Silvers! Those shrimp eaters have already taken a porn name for their restaurant! What more proof do we need? Damn you skeptics!

Sweet Daisy Dukes

Internationally known intellectual, Jessica Simpson, is slated to play Daisy Duke in the 2005 movie Dukes of Hazzard.  Britney Spears seems to be the second choice.  DoH was originally an early 1980’s television program showing the charming side of being a confederate racists. I know, all of you from the American south are yelling that the confederate flag, displayed prominently in the show does not equal racism. Well the swastika was around long before Hitler, but no one in their right mind is going to have the hero of the show have a swastika on their shirt. Let’s hope the movie keeps it out this time, to the aversion of the real fans I am sure.

Shout out

Now that I’ve got you all hot and bothered thinking about a short, tight pair of Daisy Dukes, check out La Libertine, the new sex blog a friend of mine is starting. I think it is going to be very interesting.

Now serving number nine

This is so cool, I am number 9 under the google listing when you search for Elven! I plan to be number one by next week.  :)

Dear you:

Thanks for reading. Have a great day and remember to drive safe, not slow. Stay tuned for my next entry as I present the award this blog has won.


June 25, 2004   02:32 AM PDT
Thanks so much for dropping by! I'm enjoying your entries so far. I'll come back again soon to visit, for it's way past my bedtime. =) Have a good one!
June 25, 2004   03:33 PM PDT
See, since all the good gaming companies actually run by gamers have gone under and D&D became synonimous with shitty brands like Wizards of the Coat and Forgotten Realms, though, it just sucks ass now. I mean, Christians should have no problem accepting it as just a harmless way to have fun, D&D is practically the fucking AOL of roll-playing games.

FASFA, now THERE'S a company they had to worry about! I'm convinced the developers of Linux get together to game sessions of Battletech, Earthdawn, and Shadowrun. Their greatness just continues in a different form now.
June 25, 2004   08:31 PM PDT
I miss FASA! They usta be here in Chicago too.

You know, I've had that level 32 exorcism thrown at me. And man, let me tell ya, it burns like a motherfucker too! Luckily, I had my pal Satan over playing DnD with me, smokin' some Cubans and Mary Jane... All of a sudden these Christians wearing huge crosses and crap came in shouting in tongues. Next thing I know, this water is thrown at me in a balloon and my skin is burning! There's Satan, my consort, sitting there, mouth gaping open. I think he was more surprised that they attacked me first instead of him. Great guy too, plays a magical unicorn named Isilme.

Anyhoo, thanks for the plug, Sarah! Your entry had me rolling on the floor laffin'. Awesome about your Google ranking! You go girl!

June 26, 2004   07:40 PM PDT
Magical unicorn, eh? Never tried one o' those. I was always a bit more partial to the felines.

Kinda' figures, though. I mean honestly, how can a guy who plays a unicorn possibly be the evil ruler of the universe? Sure those Uni's can open a 'can and dish out some major ass-kickin' if the need arises, but everyone knows Unicorns aren't evil; and to even think that someone who plays one would be is positively scandalous, at best!

Poor Satan, always gettin' a bad rap from those intellectually stunted bastards who just don't understand him. Well, he's welcome at my gaming table any day!

(By the way, thanks for the correction on FASA. I didn't think that looked right, but I wasn't sure.)
June 28, 2004   01:56 PM PDT
I still have FASA's Shadowrun RPG books in my room. Love the storyline for those.
September 1, 2004   05:26 AM PDT
I really enjoyed your site. Your site is very nice.

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