Entry: ElvenSarah reaches 6666; numerologist has spontaneous orgasm Saturday, September 25, 2004

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1.  Horny Christian teens find way to date heathen guys


Dating to Save People from Hell is one of the funniest sites I have seen all day.  Anyone can be a missionary!

"Jesus told us to reach the "outermost parts of the world." I mean, I'm not going to fly to Kenya and date some guy who eats worms, but I think for me, "outermost parts of the world" means all the hot guys that live around me here in Fremont, California."

This has got to be satire; at least I hope it is.  If not then it is probably the saddest thing I have seen all day.



2.  Jaw dropping feat of medical science


Scientists in Germany grew a new jaw for a man who had his removed due to cancer.  This was possible through the use of stem cells, meaning that here in the US, we cannot complete such a procedure.  Just to be clear, no babies where hurt harvesting the stem cells; they came from the patient’s own body.  Modern luddites, also known as the religious right, have associated stem cells with horrible pictures of baby harvests.  That is just not the case. Read the story here.



3.  Science lessons from the bible


How to make a sheep striped (Genesis 30:25-43)


In today’s lessons from the bible, we learn how to make polka-dot wool.  The secret, according to ancient wisdom, is to have your sheep look at stripes while they mate.  If they do this, their offspring will have stripes!  So that explains it.  So many great things in this book. 


While you are reading this chapter you may also notice verse 27 says you can use divination to see if God loves you and is going to make you rich.  For those of you unfamiliar with divination, this is the practice of reading anything from palms, tea leaves, animal entrails, etc.  Now go at it!



Flat Earth Society


Apparently the world is flat and if you say differently then you are ignoring the evidence otherwise.  This ancient wisdom is taken from the prophet Daniel 4:11   "The tree grew large and strong and its top touched the sky; it was visible to the ends of the earth.” Oh come on Sarah the Elven, that is obviously an analogy.  Exactly, it is an analogy that only works with a flat earth!  Why is god passing on information to humans that makes them believe the earth is flat?  Shouldn’t god use an analogy that actually supports the truth?  Later we have Satan showing Jesus all the kindoms of the world, from a really tall mountain.  Another analogy?  Is anything in this book actually a true story?

More here:


http://members.aol.com/jalw/flat_earth.html  (Many additional pages of interest on this site.  I’m happy to say I have actually met this man)





4.  Porn Star or My Little Pony?


What were the creators of MLP thinking?  Take a break from that heavy reading and researching and read this page.  Also some more humorous t-shirts.



5.  You too can work at the Elven Factory!


I worked until 2 am Friday.  We need more employees and the big bosses know that.  If you are looking for a job, this is your shot.  We are hiring computer test engineers for our Quality Assurance Lab.  Here are the qualifications:


Must have at least a four year degree in closely related field

Must have thorough knowledge of computers

Must not be an asshole.


No exceptions.  Send me your resume if you are interested.



6.  I’m healed!


Oh, was I ever sick last week.  I was reading a blog by a guy with a sinus infection and I caught it.  Must be more careful out there.  Anyway I prayed to my pet rock and I am now feeling great!  Pet rock never lets me down.  Every time I have been sick I have gotten over it thanks to pet rock.  I pray to pet rock before I go on car trips and just look, I have never died in a car accident thanks to pet rock.  I have never died at all!  Pet rock always answers all my prayers with yes, no, or later.  Sometimes pet rock says no, but I am fine with that, since pet rock obviously knows best.  I have always come through with its wisdom.  Where would I be without my pet rock?  Why would you deny the power of pet rock, you big meany!



7! 7! Oh god 7! 


Wealthy King has orgy with 1000 woman.  A wealthy Mediterranean king has completed a search for 1000 of the most attractive women in the world.  The women will be part of his permanent harem that will ensure all his sexual needs are met.  In return, the women will be allowed to live in his palace free of rent.  The entire group is also a big fan of giant penis polesOne author, who calls himself “God”, claims this king is the wisest man to EVER live.  Read more at 1 Kings 11:1-3.

Was it good for you?


September 26, 2004   04:53 PM PDT
It was good for me, but wouldn't it be easier to sit at your computer at work and re-write the bible with these footnotes; get it published and quit your job? I mean "Christ" Sarah (pardon the name dopping) I missed most of what you're pointing out (last read in Sunday school 1954), but the damn book has some interesting twist with your spin on it.

looking forward to more

September 26, 2004   10:14 PM PDT
wow, i'm hooked to your site. i like the allusions you have to the bible but with all the funny and incoherent things you point out... anyway, about your latest comment in the previous entry, i have a little idea about the universe... i'm not saying it's right. in fact, it doesn't even make sense... but what i think is that there is a "parallel universe". one where everything is the same, but opposite to how we live right now. sort of like matter and antimatter. antimatter is basically the same as matter except the protons, which usually have a positive charge, have a negative charge. everything's the opposite. a good book to read about it is "Angels and Demons" by Dan Brown. it's fiction, but it gives you great ideas.
September 27, 2004   08:53 AM PDT
Your pet rock must be related to my pet antibiotic... I too recover from a sickness after praying to it and using it as a euchrist
September 28, 2004   06:30 PM PDT
so sorry about making you sick. I danced in the rain for a few hours today so I'm probably going to come down woth pnemonia. be careful!
September 30, 2004   09:31 PM PDT
I loved the first comment- it is *really* *really* sad!
October 3, 2004   08:21 PM PDT
This was great! I'm always so busy. remind me to link you SOON!
October 28, 2004   02:51 PM PDT
If you like the story about dating to save heathens, you have to watch "Saved!"

A fundamentalist christian girl decides to save her boyfriend when he announces he's gay, and gets pregnant.

hehehe, kids eh?
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